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ugly like me.
2:42 am / 16.01.06

my heart is blank
i have no words for this feeling I have
I feel so unbelievably unloved
that it hollows me out
and then seems to fill me completely
somehow--
with even more emptiness.

I feel like i have so much love to share,
like it's bursting from my seams
but noone to accept it
noone to reflect it.
I need love
I crave it
I need it-
I might die with out some form of
true-
truer love.

i am not a loveable daughter
or sister
or friend.
I am not a loveable person.

I wish I could undertand how God,
or whoever put me here
could know I am unloveable
could do this to me
place me here
without the strength to change
smack me here in the middle of the earth

to be unloveable.
unloved.

if i had the courage I would let go of the wheel.
watch them gather-
watch them cry.
know they would go home at the end
and realize
I ment nothing to them-
the tears were not necessisary
unneeded
for someone like me
someone
unloveable like me
someone ugly
someone-
ugly
like I am.

I would watch them gather-
watch them sit in silence
watch them as they got up and left.
watch them gather-
watch them fidget
watch them check their watches
check their lives
watch them gather
just to see

the ugly death
that was formed out of me.

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