10:34 pm / Monday, Nov. 19, 2007
This morning I woke to your voice, dry from the cold
your ruddy tongue can't move quickly enough
to generate the heat I'm expecting.
the words you rattled tasted sour
left me to drool--leak out, and
puddles on the edge of my pillowcase.
Your sudden disappearance
left me wet.
When I closed my eyes
there's no surprise
your lips were at my throat
I've come to fear that pleasure
reject the dream my body deserves
repress the urge to repress my urge.
The day was black-- your hair but bluer
and too silent for screaming
I feel too female when I scream.
I have pushed you away--
I have pulled you away.
spent weeks now avoiding the only thing I want.
When, then will I feel apart from you?
Why, when I feel a part of you?
Your silence and your rage,
your fingernails, your eyebrow,
your earlobes!-- how they tease.
Oh attraction is a funny thing!
killed by weakness, kept strong with love.
I still feast on you.
You devour me.
without the intention--
you pick me to the bone.
Days were golden, nights only brown
When you still came around
When we were without my damned intentions!
I wish to replace our awkwardness with
The coldness between us with fur
Blare Simon in our silences.
Rebuild this wall, so we’re on the same side.
Sometimes wish I’d never told you.
Wish we’d never met
wouldn't have to forget.
That when you handed me your apology
It was like a funeral calling card
but I can't mourn--We were never born.
My kingdom for our friendship again.