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to be more
5:42 pm / Friday, Jun. 06, 2008

In the empty place between us
The rubber bands are breaking--
Stretching thin and brittle: the layers of ivory in my nails
When I bite them—you make me nervous.
Where it once was flexible,
We now only hold tension
And it still suspends my guilt, love, sense of pride and femininity
In the thin threads of what I refer to as ‘us‘
now only get stretched--when you’re near.
The speedy habits of my heart
Pitter and pound their useless sounds through the temples of my forehead.
Drum beats on my conscious.
Why do I still cling to this rap?
Why hold on to a broken limb?
Because the possibility of a climb
The hope of a reunited binding pulling us together

I try to care about your inability to love,
But couldn’t my love be enough for the both of us?
I assess your flaws,
But couldn’t my trust be enough for the both of us?
I remind myself of your hateful vanity,
But couldn’t my need be enough for the both of us?

It’s the gap
The fall between us
The space your being still fills
Moments that will constantly linger in my soul-eye
They won’t fade like old film
Don’t give, though I’ve begged (without conviction.)

Wish for your eyes to vanish, your soul to learn to appreciate
What I’m offering to you

Someone to care if you need
Someone to need if ever you care

A chance to be better
With someone who needs you
A chance to be more
Than someone who just wants.
To be more than lust
To be more than just
To be more.
With someone who wants you to be more.

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