i have died before.
long before the pain came
i sucked in air
and now
alive
after the death
i am alone.
but what is alone?
is alone without you near me all the time?
crying in balls of deadskin and sweat on the corner of my bed.
no.
alone is not a shower
or my stomach ache.
I have been dead before.
that time i cut my wrist from elbow to finger tip.
and tears didnt hum the tune promised in The Royal Tenenbaums.
no, that wasnt death, that was a dream.
what is a dream?
if not the smokefilled lungs of a seventeen year old.
not the sugarfree rootbeer.
they are death.
i once felt dead,
or what i thought dead would feel like
but if i was dead, i wouldnt feel
so i didnt feel dead.
but i have died before.
rebirth, no.
just death then life.
the way is always is.
a cut here
paste there
self adheaisive stick-it note.
sticking to me,
death always repeats.
and i'm dying again.
i'm dead again
find me my nalgene.
i'm dead again.
1:56 am - 10.07.04
Recent entries:
Babs! - Thursday, May. 06, 2010
Golden Heads - Wednesday, Dec. 23, 2009
doublee - Saturday, Dec. 12, 2009
alone, I shine. - Thursday, Aug. 27, 2009
save me. - Sunday, Aug. 16, 2009
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