spit-tears's Diaryland Diary

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ticking clock

numb and a bummer
I can't believe you left me last summer
after asking and suggesting we stay as a team
and then shouted cruelty at me midstream
then you blame me and make me feel tiny
say i did the same to you regularly, but I don't recall trying to make you feel small-

I hate myself for missing you-
ache for my lips to be kissing you-
my husband, best friend, I'll never kiss you again
because I've been told to move on without you.

It' been 10 years since I've tried to write
been a decade since I let it flow free
I hadn't tired of being inspired
by your head and lovely heartbeat

Wish I knew why my story repeated of being
led down a primrose path then defeated
tossed aside, to be replaced with someone freshfaced.

But alas for you-
I'm too loud too crude too sarcastic too hurt too inert.
too much this, too much that, too little of something else.

and still I yearn and I never learn, that even if they ask for forever-
I've always got a ticking clock.

1:39 pm - Thursday, Jan. 06, 2022

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