just talking about it
made me remember
the weight of blankets around me
and the shivvering in the night
i can feel the walls close
and my breathing shallow
just remembering the fear
of placing my feet on the ground
just to walk down the dark hall to the smallest room
where my sister slept.
to sleep on the ground
and to wake in the morning
and creep back to bed before she knew
that i counted on her rythmic snores and mumbles
to make the screaming go away.
the screaming
still haunting my sleepless nights
i wonder.
do you ever lay awake at night
counting the stars in your head
and thinking the dark will never end?
and what do you do when the screaming begins?
what would you do if you heard my voice
screaming i loved you into the dark black night.
as much as i want to tell you.
i can't be the one to haunt you.
I don't want to be your mistake.
1:10 am - Saturday, Aug. 03, 2002
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