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crappy, but atleast I'm writing
11:34 pm / 27.03.06

lay on my back to face the fear
on my side to forget the feeling
lay on my stomach to hide from the pain
in a ball to control my crying.

i can't stand up when I'm laying down
can't see the beauty in the world
I can't sing any songs through my tears
need to sit up, stand up, get through this.
need to jump up, spring up, get through this


pain is a tangible numbness
throbbing in my lungs
the air and my hurt have a contract
to kill me just as i survive


i like to pretend i have hope to go on
i like to think i'll get through
it's diffrent this time that i have no one else to blame
but myself,
just what i did wrong.
just what the world held me to do.


i am better than this
i think i am
i can be more than a
ball
i can be more,
do more.

where is my verse?
where are my words?
i have to write them.
i NEED to writ them.
sit down, and do it.
stop hesitating.
sit down and consider
that once hopefull feeling.
sit down and stand up
again.

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