spit-tears's Diaryland Diary

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the fear factor

tight in my jaw
I'm holding disappointment between my shoulder blades
the muscles in your face held rage
when you cried i saw so much pain in your eyes
and the confusion at the base of my neck considers
where the
fear you complain of resides.

How did I flex you to fear me?
When did my actions cause harm?
How am I to hold myself accountable
if I don't know what on earth I did to
lose the love of a
very best friend.

you waited- we dated- cohabitated- engaged, then married, just so-
I confessed, we undressed, convalesced my finesse

are you afraid because you fell for someone untouchable-
outside your marriage to me?
were you fearful I would judge how you were flogging?
is the fear of being the bad guy
as you pick apart my worth?
were you afraid how I would respond to your cruel mirth?

I finally felt on a swing up
when you pulled the rug out
but I can't stop feeling like it's still somehow my fault.
that you kissed me,
and held me-
and told me you were fine-
as you unstitched your heart from mine.

7:37 pm - Tuesday, Jan. 18, 2022

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